Am feeling sorry for myself and I hate it. I just want to cry and I also want to punch myself in the face as I have nothing to cry about.
I had an appointment with the diabetic consultant this morning and it kind of scared me. It shouldn't have, but as I am coping with my sugar levels and insulin intake more and more, I am also being made more aware of how diabetes can affect my health. The Dr explained today about how my organs can be affected by not keeping my sugar down and I just became really scared. I actually thought 'This is going to kill me.' My sugar is down and if I carry on the way I am I should be ok, but I get these panicky moments. I get scared of dying and leaving the boys without a Mum. My grandfather had type I diabetes and lived till he was 80. There is nothing for me to be scared off. I think I just get daunted.
It's ok at the moment, as I'm relatively young and in general good health, but what happens as I get older? I'm scared of getting swine flu. That could kill me....see I'm just being an utter arse.
The boys did their Christmas concert at nursery today. They all sang lots of Christmas songs and I cried. I don't think I've ever been quite so proud of them. There were a lot of parents there and it must have been overwhelming for them, but they didn't get upset. They just both sang their little hearts out. Afterwards I had to take them to the medical centre for their booster MMR injections. Ben went first and didn't make a sound. Sam however point blank refused to have it of his own free will, so we had to use some force, which I hate, but had to do. He absolutely screamed his head off, was furious with both John and I, then proceeded to walk through reception and to the car crying at full volume. Not even chocolate could calm him. He is now playing on the Wii and all seems to be ok. A quick recovery considering he was convinced his arm would never stop hurting.
Sorry for moaning.
S
x
Sal have you thought about having the swine flu jab? You are a priority. I've got until next Weds to decide. Huge hugs. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. It's a illness you can manage but you are bound to have wobbly days. I thought you deal with the diagnois incredibly bravely. Excuse spelling, I'm not used tow working and I'm completely shattered plus I'm blonde. Love you. Will call tomorrow as I have a day off. Boys have their nativity so no doubt I'll be making a total tit of myself crying. xxxx
ReplyDeletesorry for typo's. I should proof read! xx
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